Sunday Lettering

a letter i sent to a friend about our strange reluctance to read the bible. hope she doesn't mind me sharing.

you're asking yourself why you aren’t reading your bible. isn’t it strange that that is your question? the question assumes that it’s normal to read your bible. it assumes spending time with god is a natural phenomenon. it’s like gravity – it’s normal, and any time it does happen it shouldn’t be questioned and any time it doesn’t happen there needs to be an explanation.

we don't just repent of not spending time with god, but we're PUZZLED by it, and we ask why, and we are "tormented" by the fact that we aren't spending time with him. why the torment? why the questioning? why do we ask "why"? because there is an incongruity. What we imagine ourselves capable of, and who we imagine ourselves to be, is incompatible with how we act. if we saw ourselves clearly, than we would never ask "why". We would SEE why. But we ask why because we see ourselves in one particular way and our actions contradict it. "if i am like this... then why do i do this..."

why are we always surprised when we discover ourselves doing something sinful or horrible? why do we reprimand ourselves, why do we swear at ourselves and hate ourselves... unless we expect better. we expect ourselves to be good people. we expect our natural state to be doing the right thing. we don't really think that we're capable of really bad sins.

the truth is, no matter what we may say about natural sin - we don’t believe it. our shock and horror every time we fall short shows that we don’t really see ourselves as we really are. what are we?

we're NATURALLY BAD. we are broken. we are sinful. everything in us, every single piece of us, does not want to come out in the light and be seen. our natural state is doing the wrong thing. our normal behavior is perverted. why would a screwed-up sinner-girl want to spend time with god?!? every natural, normal, inborn reaction revolts. and so we don't feel "drawn" to read our bibles even though after we do it feels wonderful, and even as we do it's like stepping outside after a year of living in a basement.

so we're shocked that we don't want to be with god. what do we expect? what is our picture of ourselves?

we don't really know how deep our sin goes. maybe we never really will. but i think it goes a lot deeper and runs stronger and is more natural to our behavior than anything else.

this isn't catching how i felt it. it's not an idea or a logical thought as much as a a perspective change. switching how we see ourselves. if we're shocked at our sinful behavior than we are still, in a sense, trying to bring something worthwhile to god when in fact - we have nothing. until our sin stops shocking us, our perspective on ourselves is skewed. shock says - "how can it be?!??! i never expected this!" how can we not expect sin?!??

anyway.